I am the cat, and I have certain inalienable rights.

 

I have the right to walk over your face anytime I wish, day or night.

 

I have the right to observe and comment on any and all bathroom behavior.  Further, I have the right to be highly offended by any closed door.

 

I have the right to smell your shoes to determine if you have been fraternizing or cavorting or frolicking with any highly questionable animals.

 

I have the right to assist in any food preparation, cooking, cleaning or eating event that may occur in the home.

 

I have the right to wake you at three in the morning if I find my food dish is not to my satisfaction.

 

I have the right to tip over any water container I deem unsuitable for consumption.

 

I have the right to curse at squirrels and birds that may dare to pass my windows.

 

I have the right to inspect any grocery items that come into the home.  Further, I have the right to inhabit any paper bag or cardboard box that you bring home for as long as I wish.

 

I have the right to nap at any time and place I darn well please, without the distraction of being called or moved just because you want to sit down, wash your hands or use your computer keyboard.

 

I have the right to sleep on top of any appliance that is warm.

 

I have the right to assist in any changing of bed linens and to chase the phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.

 

I have the right to kill paper-towel rolls that otherwise might sneak up on you at night.

 

I have the right to your complete attention anytime you sit down to read or work.

 

And, finally, I have the right to be loved, petted, pampered and entertained, for, as you know, the best things in life... purr.

 

And, should you err in your ways, I will graciously forgive. After all, you are only human, but I love you anyway.

 

Signed,

The Cat

 

Written by Michael Ruemmler

Published in Chicken Soup for the Soul  Loving Our Cats

Reprinted with permission from

Chicken Soup for the Soul Publishing, LLC

Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Amy Newmark

www.chickensoup.com

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